I mean it is absolutely bursting at seams with little surprises all patiently waiting for you.
It could be a new found friend, a pay increase at the never ending life suck we call work, finding money in the bottom of your favourite bag. All of these have happened to me in the past week, but I I am not the kind of person who sees these situations as 'surprises', but rather the general course of life. I mean, was I really going to not make a new friend for the rest of my life? Was I forever going to be on $15 an hour? And was I really only going to ever find money in my wallet?
No, no I wasn't.
When it comes to little old me, I see myself as on the other scale of life. The very much, other scale. Whilst my life is amazing in all its glory, my idea of surprises goes a little something along the lines of...
I am group leader, and my computer crashing the night before the last final assessment is due.
I have been given a possible career changing opportunity, but I don't have the time spare to take it.
I have been the make and break of friendships I thought were indestructable.
Two major exams are coming up with zilch time and motivation to open up my textbook.
I'm running out of weetbix.
And again, all of this has happened in the past week or so. But me being me, I do not see the pay rise and the new friendships as life's greatest treats. Instead, it is bypassed by those little bitch of a moments that can really break a person down. Doctor's diagnosis: I have the inability to keep calm.
Let me start from the start...
I have been involved in the education system since I was a teeny weeny five years of age. I have gone from finger painting, to addition and subtraction, to national politics, history and geography, science and religion, social studies, to advertising, marketing, to public relations. And at 21 years of age, here I sit with not a clue as to what I am going go to do in the next stage of my life. Yes here I sit, riding on the final week of university life with absolutely zero job prospects. Staring right down the barrel of the gun that I like to call, "welcome to life... you're fucked". And it's fully loaded.
I must admit, because of this very fact, the past few weeks have not been my finest. It seems that every time I wake up and greet the day, there is something waiting for me to open up my eyes and scream "TODAY IS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY", and so being an over emotional female who hasn't yet had her morning coffee and who misses her boyfriend, I cry and agree. Essentially, I set myself up for ruin for the next 18 or so hours I am awake.
This new part of my life bothers me. After having every single part of my life carefully set out and planned right down to the finest detail, I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I have all the sticks and rope that I need to make a bridge across to the other side, where there is the rest of my life waiting for me. Everything I have is right at my side and I have absolutely no obstacles in my way except for one thing... I was never taught how to build a bridge.
And the moment I realise that, is the moment my problems start shining with an answer I never saw before. I just don't know how to get across to the other side because it isn't something I have ever done. That is the reason I am stressing and 'on-edge' (get it!) all the time... because this is so new and different to me that I have nothing else to but to sit and cry, waiting for help.
But it doesn't matter.
It's okay if you don't know how to build that bridge to get to the next stage.
Why?
Because everything you need is at your side. Tools, materials, everything. And now is your opportunity to learn something new, learn something on your own, build something that decides the rest of your life. And if you stuff up, and it all crashes into the ocean beneath you, that's perfectly okay. Because everything you need is still there, and if you have to start over, you now know more of how to build it than you didn't before.
It puts a whole nother meaning to building a bridge and getting over it.
I started this piece earlier in the week, but it had a totally different tune than to what it does now. It was packed full of typical female confusion, depression, an overloaded desire for some sort of fatty candy to wish it all away. But when I hit my absolute lowest in the past 24 hours, where I genuinely thought I was going to chuck myself over that cliff, there were two people who completely changed the way I feel about life: my best friend Courtney, and my boyfriend Nicholas. It has been these two people through the absolute highest of my days, and when it came to the lowest, they have done nothing but step up more to the plate to help me out. To watch me in support building my bridge.
So let me be the angels they are to me, and pass on the wealth of advice for when you feel life just isn't happening for you anymore.
Look at life in pieces, not as a whole. Like a puzzle, you cannot figure it out just from the box.
Step away from your desk, and go outside for a while.
Eat a ridiculous amount of junk food. Sure you might get fat, but it tasted good.
Go for a run outside, and clear your mind of everything thats going on. And just run.
Surround yourself with nothing but love love love love.
Keep calm, and carry on.
To this particular blog, I dedicate it to one person in my life: my partner of four years Nicholas. We have been together since I was 16, so you can imagine the number of teenage out of control tantrum and tears this man has had to endure. It has been topping the thousands, but he has stuck by me through the absolute all. Through all the friendships I lost, the achievements I gained, my emotionally-charged arguments, the sun-soaked lunches on the harbour, the late night movie sessions, my drunken revelations, the nights I cried into his shoulder... the absolute all. And in the end of it, he was always there waiting with a kiss on my head and a cuddle to follow. I would not be the intelligent, happy life-smart young woman that I am today, I really wouldn't be. Nic, you bring the brightest of lights into my life, brighter than all the cities of the world... and for that I love you.
Reach for the stars, and it's okay if you don't, because you're already on top of the world.
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